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Apartment Troubles & And Some "Interesting" News

March 31st, 2008 at 03:53 pm

Still having trouble with getting an answer out of my old apartment complex. They were supposed to call me today and LEAVE ME A MESSAGE if I didn't answer, with how much I owe them for breaking the lease. I got off at 4:00 and there was no missed call or voicemail. So I tried the call the office, and the phone went straight to their voicemail system. From what I remember living there a month ago, they were open until 5:30 on weekdays???

Needless to say, I am pretty ticked off about this. I am two states away, I need to get this taken care of so 1) I can know exactly how much money it cost & how to budget accordingly and 2) So that I can stop worrying about bills for two apartments. As if I'm not busy enough!

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On another note, I did have time to stop by the bank today and deposit money to cover the $46 fee on my checking account. Although the woman was really nice, I wasn't able to get it taken off. Oh well, it won't happen again.

I also stopped for $20 in gas. Was able to pay cash for all of it out of the money that BF left this weekend. I really needed to stop and get dog food/stamps/envelopes/boxes, but I had some dog food left in another bag, and he is eating it, so that can wait until tomorrow.

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If the bank fees and apartment complex people didn't have me stressed enough, BF called with another interesting little bit of information today. Here's the scoop:

He has two older sisters, one is 24 and one is 26. The 26 year old (I'll call her "S2") has been an emotional and financial rollercoaster the whole time I've known her. She's a nice enough person, and we get along well, and she's SUPER sweet, but she just doesn't have any sense sometimes.

She was married to a guy that their whole family didn't like (not that it matters, but it foreshadowed the future). About a year and a half after I started dating BF, she moved back in with their parents and said she was separated from him. I think many of their problems stemmed from the fact that neither really functioned as an adult, and he was HORRIBLE with money. I'm talking, her car got repossessed, but he had an extra truck and a boat?

Anyway, she ended up going back to the guy, only to move BACK in with BF's parents 3 months later. This time, she says they are getting divorced, but they have to wait until they finish filing bankruptcy. Nobody even knew they were filing bankruptcy, but BF's parents decided to help her get back on her feet, if it meant she would be better off in the long run.

She lived with them for over a year, in which time she had several part time jobs. BF's parents paid for her to take nursing classes, then she quit. They paid $500 for the divorce proceedings so they could get underway. She never paid rent, never bought groceries, etc. She saved $5000 for a downpayment on a car, which BF's dad had to co-sign for of course.

At this point she's been working a full time job at a factory for about 3 months. Her divorce is finally final, but she's been slightly obsessive over other guys during the whole time anyway. She breaks up with one she's been dating for about 4 months, then starts talking about a guy she met at her work, who is "just a friend".

About a month later, BF informs me that the guy is married with two small children. While she still insists they are only friends, she also justifies the time they spend together with "he's planning on divorcing his wife".

A month after that, she is suddenly obsessed with moving out to her own place. Everyone was concerned that she was only doing it to move in with this guys, but she swears she's not.

This all happened as I was getting notified of my job offer. Sure enough, two weeks after she moved out, she told BF that the guy had separated from his wife and was staying with her most of the time. He was even bringing his kids to visit (they're 5 and 3).

So they have been living together for about two months now. BF calls me today and tells me that S2 says, if this guy can get the divorce from his wife final in a month or two, they are going to get married THIS JUNE!!!

This upset me a little, for a few different reasons. Number one, I had defended S2 to BF and his family, saying that she might really just want to be out on her own. Number two, I have never even met this guy, he's still married, and she's only known him about 5 months total. And number three... and this is going to sound completely selfish I know... they are planning this whole shenanigan at the exact same time that I expect BF & I will get engaged.

Even typing that, I feel horrible. But to justify myself a little, I am not the type of person to be the center of attention all the time. I am content to stay in the background and be modest about my achievements or talents.

BUT... after four years of dating BF, we are finally getting engaged. While we are not perfect, we are hard workers, never take a penny from our parents for college or other expenses, and are already hard at work paying down debt to save for our wedding.

It is very disheartening to realize that I will have to "share the spotlight" with S2, as she goes through with this mess. I had planned to ask their other sister to be a bridesmaid, but how exciting will that be for her, when she is going to be maid of honor at her own sister's wedding 6 months before? And how about BF's dad, who he wants to be his best man, how excited will he be to pay for a honeymoon for the FOURTH time, twice in 6 months? And what about when I talk about our wedding details, when theirs is on the forefront?

I know this sounds bad. BF doesn't understand why it matters to me, and I don't know how to make him see that I've been planning and dreaming about this for my whole life. We've done all the right things, we're responsible, we're in love, and when our moment comes... we have to share it?

Thoughts will be appreciated... don't be too harsh on me Smile

7 Responses to “Apartment Troubles & And Some "Interesting" News”

  1. Louise Says:

    Honestly, you have EVERY right to feel the way you do. Lord knows I would. But this chick needs some professional help, and I am not joking. I have a friend just like that. If you had the money I would say move it up before theirs (LOL) but... anyways dont let that hold you down, everything happens for a reason and if she is as unstable as I think ; this dude wont leave his wife afterall, and she will be back on her own, with someone else or back home.
    pray on it, honestly, leave it up to GOD.

    Be Blessed

  2. pjmama Says:

    Wow. That's all I can say. lol. Sounds like this girl really does have some problems. I dont really have any advice, but I can definitely see how you would be a bit perturbed at the situation. I wouldn't want anyone "stealing my spotlight" either, but of course I plan on having a very low-key wedding, and I wont know if it's even happening until around october (gasp, did I let out too much info there?). heh. I guess I just stole a little of your spotlight there too Smile

    Hope all works out and this guy doesn't make a huge mistake...

  3. baselle Says:

    You have every right to be perturbed. It does feel like she peed in your swimming pool.

    But so many ifs here. If he gets the divorce in time, if he wants to get hitched again right afterwards, if she is doing this because she really loves the guy and not for other reasons, if their combined non-credit limit can handle a wedding (you know they'll want to go big - Big Grin). Six months is a long time with so many ifs.

    Who knows - your BFs parents might be excited about attending a straightforward, non-melodramic wedding with two adults that they mostly didn't have to pay for. Your wedding might be refreshing to them.

    I say that you should plan as if you never heard of S2 plans.

  4. cptacek Says:

    I agree with what baselle says. If I read it right, they want to get married when you guys are getting engaged? So you have 6 months after their wedding before you are getting married? I wouldn't worry about it.

    My husband and I got married in January and his brother and fiance are getting married in April. I planned the wedding pretty much on my own, and my family helped. His family didn't do much (I just didn't ask them...I wanted my family to help me). She is doing pretty much the same thing...she has 2 sisters that are helping her and as far as I know, his family hasn't done much.

    So you might get pulled into helping her, but you don't have to. She isn't your family yet. If you don't want to help her, don't. But, for YOUR wedding you can choose who you want to be in it. Or who you want to have help you. No one else (except your BF, and he probably won't) has a say.

  5. merch Says:

    I think a few things on in your life are going on that are adding a lot of stress to your life (the apartment, the pending engagement, the sister's behavior, bank fee, etc). There's a lot going on now.

    Take a deep breath and relax a little bit.

    Now, the sister is going to do what the sister is going to do. You can't stop that. Besides, you aren't even engaged and you're worrried she's going to overshadow you.

    Take a step back for a second and think. In two months, the apt will be settled one way or another, you might or might not be engaged, your finances will be looking a little more certain. There are things you can control and things you can't.

    You can't control your bf sister's behavior or how people are going to react to her wedding if it happens (which will probaly here's number 2 on the way to number 5 before 30).

    Your eventual wedding will be of couple that has a long term committment and set up for success, and that to me is special.

    Good luck and try to envision your life in 2 months or 6 months from now. It will help you put things into prespective.

  6. terri77 Says:

    Don't sweat it. It's not a contest. I would have sympathy for his sister and her troubles and leave it at that. Best wishes to you and your BF.

  7. sillyoleme Says:

    Thanks for the support, everyone! It was nice to be able to vent to people who don't know me IRL, haha!

    I am a little calmer about it now, mostly because BF seems to understand where I'm coming from, and even if that doesn't really change anything, it helps to have someone to commiserate with. Now I am hoping that the guy's divorce does go through quickly and they can do it in June, because if it takes longer, that is only longer that we'll be "sharing the spotlight".

    I really just don't want to have to watch whose toes I step on when I'm talking about wedding plans, etc. I would feel bad to be talking to BF's mom & other sister about fancy invitations or asking them to go dress shopping, with S2 having her actual wedding in a month or so.

    I'll keep you updated if anyone's interested, I'm sure I'll need to vent again sometime. Smile
    By the way - just found out today that BF's cousin is also getting married in June (they've been engaged for about an year), and they think it might even be the same weekend! Just goes to show you #1) S2 & this guy really haven't thought about how this will effect anyone else's plans... and #2) things can always get worse when you complain!

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